Cooking, Non-Fiction|

So a few days ago I started a thread on Reddit about some stuff that I was cooking in my crock pot. I also decided that, hey, I wanted to make crab cakes for dinner on Friday night. (Since I’m lame and at home instead of out shakin’ my tail feathers.)

As I was talking to people, there was some interest, so I figured I’d throw together my little recipe for crab cakes. (Stole, in part, from a cute 1/4th Korean girl that had a cute… face.)

What do you need? I’m glad you asked. You’ll need crackers. Like saltines. A whole package of them. (Well, 1/4th of an average box, 1 of the 4 packages inside.) – Crumble that sucker up real good. You want cracker dust, basically. (Watch for cracker dust on the home cooking network soon.) I got crackers that were “wheat” this time; they worked pretty well and taste good. But your mileage may vary. (It won’t, really, though. Crab cakes don’t get any mileage. Sorry.)

Then you take some crab. I grab bumblebee crab myself. A decent sized can. If you love the taste of crab, (or you get the smaller cans) use 2 cans. Me? I used one.

Mix the two in a container. Doesn’t matter what kind. You just want’em good and mixed. Then, when you’re done, crack two eggs in there and mix’em s’more. (One egg is fine if you use 1 can, it’s more of a binding agent than anything.) Then you mix it all up again until you’ve got a nice gooey mess.

If you like onion, take one and mince it. A quarter of a cup should do fine.

Take some seasonings, (I use salt, pepper, and garlic myself.) and mix those in. Guess how much you need; you know your taste preferences better than I do. I go for about a teaspoon of salt, two tablespoons of garlic, and two tablespoons of pepper.

Once you’ve got those mixed, set it aside and think to yourself, “By god, I am awesome.” – it’ll really make you feel nice.

Turn your stove on. Pour some oil into a pan. (About 1cm deep, give or take.) – and heat that oil up.

Then you put the crab cakes in. I use a spoon and carefully push the dough off with another spoon or a fork. However, if you used 2 cans and only 1 egg, your dough is probably dry enough for you to make small balls of the stuff with your hands without getting too messy. That works too.

Flip after a bit, and you’ll notice that they are golden brown. What? You flipped too soon? NOOO. YOU FOOL. YOU’VE RUINED THEM.

Just kidding. Just keep flippin’em about once every minute to a minute and a half until they are a rich, dark brown.

Remove. Let them cool down. Eat.

Or not. I’m not your dad.

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